Lessons learned from watching Frasier

[Frasiertime]

If you like someone, don't wait until their wedding day to tell them.

Don't stand poised with your antique crossbow if you don't intend to use it.

If you meet someone on the bus who you think may be "the one", ask if they're married before you announce it on the radio.

[Forever Jung]

If attatcked by zombies, remember, there are no zombies.

Fridge + pants = AWESOME

[Patrick]

Don't trust Roz when she tells you that there is a nude beach in Seattle.

When Roz tells you that her car needs a tune up it means that she backed it into a phone pole.

When Roz borrows your car, be prepared to have it steam cleaned afterward.

If your car smells of vomit then it's your own damn fault for having lent it to Roz in the first place.

When Martin exposes himself to the current President of the condo board, he'll hide it from you so that you can make an ass of yourself come election day.

When Martin takes you to a place where they cut your Hugo Boss tie, he'll expect you not to look down your nose at it.

When you suggest jokingly to Martin to feed your imported foie gras to his dog, he'll do it.

Martin keeps Eddie's baby teeth in a Jar but the only things he ever remembers about Frasier and Niles' childhoods are embarrassing ones.

(BTW, I have owned several dogs, yet I never noticed any baby teeth.)

When Daphne starts a story, imagine the creepiest possible ending, hers will be worse.

Either Daphne's psychic abilities are real or her lucky guesses are astronomically improbable.

No one has ever seen Simon Moon sober, he was probably born tipsy.

Simon Moon thinks that Roz is called Rose.

When God closes a door, Simon opens a window.

Martin likes Simon even though as a cop he has likely arrested more Simons than he can count.

When Harry Moon says "I need to splash me boots" that may not just be an expression.

That's all for now.

[Frasiertime]

A brownie - any brownie - will get you as stoned as you think it will.

[Frasiertime]

If your ex-wife turns to you for comfort because her husband left her for another man, don't let her do tequila shooters with your brother.

[CatNamedRudy]

If your ex-wife turns to you for comfort because her husband left her for another man, don't let her do tequila shooters with your brother.

[Patrick]

Don't play with ironing boards, flatirons, scissors, turpentine (or whatever that was), all at once, if you faint at the sight of your own blood.

[Tranquilox]

If you have a toothache, it's most definitely a sign that you've got a heart problem.
Dental floss makes a good makeshift leash for reptiles.

[Patrick]

If you need to move a chair from your living room to a back room, you'd better hire someone than to ask Niles to give you a hand. It'll save time and money.

If you throw a banana at Niles, make sure that there isn't a loaded gun nearby.

If someone steals your attache case with a spare set of car keys inside, just play it safe, have all the locks changed before you do anything else.

If you're running for office, and Frasier is your endorser, don't tell him that you believe in aliens from outer-space, drop out of the race immediately, it'll save time.

If you buy a four star restaurant :

1) Don't hire the senile waiter as your parking valet

2) Don't put too much alcohol in the cherry jubilee

3) Don't enter the kitchen if you're too stupid to know which part of the door is "in" and which is "out".

4) Don't give the chef contradictory instructions.

Put a lizard that can bite a finger off in a box that someone will put his hand into... NOT SMART!

Dreams are weird.

If you're dating a supermodel zoologist and she asks you to be quiet about it, just shut your fat mouth and enjoy the ride.

If you want to have sex with a woman, sending her an email where you call her a chiseler may not be the best way to go about it.

If you see a man that looks, talks, dress like your sons, likes the same art pieces, has the same idiosyncratic mannerisms, the same allergies, appreciate the same food, was a good friend of your wife whom you know has cheated on you once... well, then he must be gay.

[Patrick]

When you get punched in the face, people will be more sympathetic if the man who did that, died soon after.

[Frank B]

Bullets are useless against someone who can kick really high.

[Patrick]

Bullets are useless against someone who can kick really high.

Actually that's something you learn from watching Jean claude van damn (sp?) .

How did Simon call him? The "something" from Brussels?

Just checked: It's "the Muscles from Brussels" and what' s even funnier is that they have recipes for mussels in Brussels which sounds the same.

[ProOperaVoter]

Never, ever, dress up in a clown costume to get back at your dad. I know I made that mistake...

[freewill]

Apparently, AM radio stations get bought and sold practically every other year.

[Patrick]

Don't leave a hot iron on a pants' leg! Who knew?

Don't play around with a flask of turpentine near a flammable couch when you faint at the sight of your own blood and have a cut on your finger!

Learn how to use a fire extinguisher especially if you are a total spastic.

Don't start ironing your pants while waiting for your date when... YOU JUST CAN'T DO IT!!!

And while we're on the subject:

Fire extinguishers can be used to pretend that you're an astronaut at cape Canaveral!

[spellingmom]

"Ethics is what we do when no one else is looking." Frasier Crane

6.15 To Tell the Truth

[PistolPoet]

"Ethics is what we do when no one else is looking." Frasier Crane

6.15 To Tell the Truth

Very true!

Welcome to the forum, by the way .

[Roverman]

Don't let Martin or Simon anywhere near presents that need to be returned.....

[Patrick]

Don't let Martin or Simon anywhere near presents that need to be returned.....

It's true, they have that in common! No wonder they get along so well.

[Patrick]

Hiring a housekeeper because of her knowledge of sports might not be a good idea...

[Britannia]

"Martyisms" are the best pearls of wisdom you will ever hear. Watch Frasier and learn how to life life Martin Crane's way.

[Roverman]

Not only does Martin have a better relationship with Eddie than his two sons, he also has very fond memories of a horse he worked with for a bit of his 30 year police career!