CatNamedRudy wrote:DHP wrote:Bee Gees Fan wrote:DHP, do you believe that by lying to someone to spare their feelings, people are assuming they're stupid?
I'm not sure that's accurate - like I said, I don't think that whenever I tell a white lie, and I would think that most other people don't.
No, I was wrong to say that. I think that can be an assumption people make. Either that or you're the stupid one in thinking they won't find out the truth elsewhere. In terms of physical appearance, it's easy to hear from a friend that you look better than you used to, but how easy is it to find out from someone else that you aren't all that your friend made you out to be? Better to be honest in a loving, kind way, than to lie in a loving and kind way. Less likely to kill the trust in the friendship, or the friendship entirely, when the other person finds out the real truth.
Sorry but again, I would have been very hurt had someone told me they couldn't tell I'd lost weight. There is no tactful way to put that. And there is no appropriate, tactful way to answer the adorable baby question either.
Lord help you DHP if you ever have a girlfriend who uses the old "Do I look fat in this dress" line on you! Because if you respond with anything other than "No dear! You look amazing and I want to throw you down on the floor and make mad passionate love to you right now" you will be in a world of hurt!
First, if I didn't like the dress, I'd tell her. I think that's healthy in a relationship and I know a lot of couples who help each other in their fashion decisions. Secondly, if the dress did look good, I'd tell her that, and then I'd tell her that she always was and always is the most beautiful person I've ever known, which is the bare-faced truth in all its cruelty.
As for the ugly baby issue, I saw one today. Probably the ugliest baby you'd ever see to an outsider, for the simple fact it was born halfway through its pregnancy and is lacking many things including an immune system, and currently has blood pouring slowly into her brain, threatening her life in a real way. That baby is my cousin, and I love her very much. Her body isn't properly developed yet (having been born at 24 instead of 48 weeks of pregnancy) and she is so tiny and fragile that you can fit her in an adult's hand. Yet to me and all my family, she is wonderful, beautiful and lovely, and we currently care more about her and her survival than anyone else. Frankly, we're not idiots. We know that to an outsider, she's not ideal. But we don't care, and neither would the parents of an ugly-but-healthy baby if they really loved it. All that matters to us, same as should matter to the family of any child, is that they love that child, and they don't look for outside opinion to validate themselves if they really love that child.