Random quotations thread

[Dorset Girl]

Please feel free to add any quotations you like.


Here's one that's slightly out of date, but made me giggle when I heard it last night:

Frankie Boyle: Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.

[Bee Gees Fan]

A long time ago there was no such thing as school and children spent their days learning a trade, a phrase which here means "standing around doing tedious tasks under the instruction of a bossy adult." In time, however, people realised that the children could be allowed to sit, and the first school was invented.
Lemony Snicket

[Quantum]

Groucho Marx :' From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter.Some day I intend reading it. '

[Dorset Girl]

Groucho Marx :' From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter.Some day I intend reading it. '

[Bee Gees Fan]

The expression "Those who can't do, teach" is a curious one, because if you look at the world, you'll see that teachers aren't particularly worse at doing things than anyone else, so perhaps the expression might be better worded as "Nobody can do anything." Lemony Snicket

[Quantum]

Fred Allen on Jack Benny : ' When Jack Benny plays the violin,it sounds as if the strings are still back in the cat. '

Grouch Marx : ' I never forget a face-but in your case I will make an exception.'
Goucho Marx : ' I've had a wonderful evening,but this wasn't it.'

[5HR1NK]

Grouch Marx : ' I never forget a face-but in your case I will make an exception.'
Goucho Marx : ' I've had a wonderful evening,but this wasn't it.'

Brilliant

[CatNamedRudy]

"A day without sunshine is like night!"-Steve Martin

[Hans the German Butler]

At the end of the day...it gets dark - Hans the German Butler

[Moon-Crane]

heh, good thread.

I'll have to throw in my usual Bill Hicks ones.

"A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant."

"I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile... his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side."

"I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage."

[Hans the German Butler]

heh, good thread.

I'll have to throw in my usual Bill Hicks ones.

"A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant."

"I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile... his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side."

"I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage."

I love the smell of garlic in the morning; it smells like...victory - Rick Stein on Saturday Kitchen this morning

[Dorset Girl]

heh, good thread.

I'll have to throw in my usual Bill Hicks ones.

"A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant."

"I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile... his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side."

"I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage."

Those are great!

[tubalcain]

Dorothy Parker at a Halloween party - ' Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life. '

Heinrich Heine - ' One should forgive one's enemies,but not before they are hanged. '

[kat]

from the legend that is Murray Walker, James is James Hunt with whom he commentated in the early 90s

He's obviously gone in for a wheel change. I say obviously because I can't see it"
"With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go"

"Do my eyes deceive me, or is Senna's Lotus sounding rough ?"

"Anything happens in Grand Prix racing and it usually does"

"Alboreto has dropped back up to fifth place"

"As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is 5th"

"I can't imagine what kind of problem Senna has. I imagine it must be some sort of grip problem"

"It's raining and the track is wet"

"And there's just a few more corners for Nigel Mansell to go to win the Canadian Grand Prix...and...he's going rather slow....HE'S STOPPING HE'S STOPPING!"

"and this is the third placed car about to lap the second placed car"

[During a F1 race, describing how the leader can see the driver following him] "... Mansell can see him in his earphone..."

"So Bernie [Ecclestone], in the seventeen years since you bought McLaren, which of your many achievements do you think was the most memorable ?" Bernie Answers, "Well I don't remember buying McLaren." [Bernie Ecclestone used to own the Brabham team].

Murrary: "What's that? There's a BODY on the track!!!" James: "Um, I think that that is a piece of BODY-WORK, from someone's car."

Murray: There's a fiery glow coming from the back of the Ferrari James: No Murray, that's his rear safety light

[after a post race interview with Mansell after the Austrian GP 1987] Murray : "How did you get that nasty bump on your head Nigel?" [Nigel leans forward to show the camera as Murray pokes it with his finger !] Nigel: "OWCH!!"

[Lil]

'You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.' -Stan Laurel

'Time flies like the wind, fruit flies like bananas.' -Groucho Marx

'Mirror Mirror, on the wall, why must I look like Charles DeGaulle?' -Daniel Davis

[tubalcain]

Samuel Johnson - ' No one but a blockhead ever wrote,except for money. '

Mark Twain - ' Wagner's music is better than it sounds. '

[tubalcain]

Ogden Nash - ' Parsley Is gharsley. '

[Dorset Girl]

'You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.' -Stan Laurel

Oh, so that's where my Dad got it from! He often says that, then sits there grinning at us like he's made the World's funniest joke. Which, as Monty Python taught us, it can't be or we would have died laughing.

[Agides]

Winston Churchill: We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Carl Jung: Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Eric Cantona: When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.

[barnaclelapse]

"I was always a singer and maybe no more then that. Sometimes it's not enough to know the meaning of things, sometimes we have to know what things don't mean as well. Like what does it mean to not know what the person you love is capable of? Things fall apart, especially all the neat order of rules and laws. The way we look at the world is the way we really are. See it from a fair garden and everything looks cheerful. Climb to a higher plateau and you'll see plunder and murder. Truth and beauty are in the eye of the beholder. I stopped trying to figure everything out a long time ago."
-Jack Fate (Bob Dylan) in the film "Masked and Anonymous."

[Lil]

'You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.' -Stan Laurel

Oh, so that's where my Dad got it from! He often says that, then sits there grinning at us like he's made the World's funniest joke. Which, as Monty Python taught us, it can't be or we would have died laughing.

I love Laurel and Hardy. Kinda corny, yes, but very funny.

[Hans the German Butler]

Nancy Astor (to Winston Churchill) - "Wiunston! You're drunk."
Churchill - "Madam, you're ugly, but in the morning I shall be sober"

[Agides]

Churchill is always good for some quotes. Didn't this one involve Nancy Astor too??:

Woman: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: And if I were your husband, I'd drink it!

[kat]

Humphrey Littleton: "Colin was telling us how before Christmas he played (piano) for the Stranglers, how things were livened up in that turket abbatior"

[welshben23]

Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker! - John McClane.