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The All-New Joke Thread

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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Fri Aug 26, 2011 5:05 pm

woggle wrote:
insaneasperger wrote:I really like this joke (stolen from sickipedia) but noone I know seems to find it funny....

A horse walks in to a bar, and the barman says "why the long face?".
The horse being unable to understand the human language eats a beer mat and shuts on the floor....

Funny yeah?!?


I don't get it !!!!!!..lol


I think she meant 'shits on the floor'. :lol:

It's a... thingumy joke. There's a name for that style of humour, can't remember what.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby woggle » Fri Aug 26, 2011 5:28 pm

Dorset Girl wrote:
woggle wrote:
insaneasperger wrote:I really like this joke (stolen from sickipedia) but noone I know seems to find it funny....

A horse walks in to a bar, and the barman says "why the long face?".
The horse being unable to understand the human language eats a beer mat and shuts on the floor....

Funny yeah?!?


I don't get it !!!!!!..lol


I think she meant 'shits on the floor'. :lol:

It's a... thingumy joke. There's a name for that style of humour, can't remember what.


To be fair it don't take much for a joke to go right over my head :lol: ... here's one that i did get that i read the tother day -

A guy goes into a seafood resturant and askes to see the dishes of the day.The waiter wheels over a trolly and the man examins the dishes . 'I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip please', says the man . ' Okay' says the waiter and calls out , 'Gervais ' A little french chef appears with a large knife , the waither insructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip. Gervais is just about to slice the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face . Gervais is touched and admits he hasn't the heart to kill the squid . 'Not to worry ' says the waiter and calls out ' hans'!! At which a huge german bloke comes out of the kitchen. 'Sir' says the waiter , 'this is hans the dishwasher . Hans kill that squid! ' The dishwasher wields a rolling pin and is about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry , ' i am sorry sir , i just cannot kill the squid , 'Hans admits , his lower lip trembling . ' Well sir ' says the waiter , 'It just goes to show that Hans that do dishes can be soft as Gervais . With mild green hairy lip squid!! '
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby insaneasperger » Fri Aug 26, 2011 9:02 pm

I did mean shits on the floor DYAC!!

That jokes pretty good Woggs
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Wed Sep 07, 2011 12:00 am

I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Thu Oct 06, 2011 4:56 pm

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I'm sick of finishing crosswords too quickly.
Doctor: Never mind, try not to get two down, sir.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby !Amz! » Fri Oct 07, 2011 4:52 pm

This one has made me laugh today.

Why did the woman with PMT cross the road?
JUST FUCKING BECAUSE, ALRIGHT!!???

A common phrase used by myself pretty much all the time :lol:
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Fri Oct 07, 2011 5:00 pm

!Amz! wrote:This one has made me laugh today.

Why did the woman with PMT cross the road?
JUST FUCKING BECAUSE, ALRIGHT!!???

A common phrase used by myself pretty much all the time :lol:


:lol: Reminds me of something I found online somewhere yesterday: I have PMS and GPS, so I'm a bitch and I'll find you!
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby insaneasperger » Fri Oct 07, 2011 5:00 pm

That's brill amz!
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby !Amz! » Fri Oct 07, 2011 5:04 pm

Dorset Girl wrote:
!Amz! wrote:This one has made me laugh today.

Why did the woman with PMT cross the road?
JUST FUCKING BECAUSE, ALRIGHT!!???

A common phrase used by myself pretty much all the time :lol:


:lol: Reminds me of something I found online somewhere yesterday: I have PMS and GPS, so I'm a bitch and I'll find you!

I saw that, made me chuckle :lol:
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby welshben23 » Sat Oct 08, 2011 1:31 pm

What's the difference between England and Wales?

11,682 miles! 8-)
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby insaneasperger » Sat Oct 08, 2011 7:13 pm

I don't get it?!??
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Sat Oct 08, 2011 7:43 pm

insaneasperger wrote:I don't get it?!??


It's a rugby thing. Wales are through, England aren't. Wales stay Down Under, England come home. I have about 100 Welsh friends on Facebook, I think every single one of them has said how much they hate England today. You wouldn't believe how seriously the Welsh take rugby!
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby insaneasperger » Sat Oct 08, 2011 8:37 pm

Ooooh bollocks! That sucks!

And hahaha! That's quite good!
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Sun Oct 09, 2011 8:08 pm

I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday.

He had a Wigan address.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Forever Jung » Sun Oct 09, 2011 8:14 pm

Dorset Girl wrote:I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday.

He had a Wigan address.


:twisted: :lol:
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:44 pm

Q. What's white and smells like blue paint?

Spoiler: show
A. White paint.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby CatNamedRudy » Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:48 pm

Dorset Girl wrote:Q. What's white and smells like blue paint?


The answer to this involves a Smurf.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby kat » Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:50 pm

Dorset Girl wrote:Q. What's white and smells like blue paint?

Spoiler: show
A. White paint.


:lol:
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:50 pm

Essential Japanese phrases.....

That's not right................................................Sum Ting Wong
Are you harbouring a fugitive?..............................Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP...................................................Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man.....................................................Dum Gai
Small Horse....................................................Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?.....................................Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table................................Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift..................................Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here..........................................Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet................................Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone......................................No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week..................Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight............................................Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile.................................Wa Shing Ka
Your body odour is offensive.................................Yu Stin Ki Pu
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Hans the German Butler » Wed Oct 12, 2011 10:43 pm

Dorset Girl wrote:Essential Japanese phrases.....

That's not right................................................Sum Ting Wong
Are you harbouring a fugitive?..............................Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP...................................................Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man.....................................................Dum Gai
Small Horse....................................................Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?.....................................Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table................................Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift..................................Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here..........................................Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet................................Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone......................................No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week..................Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight............................................Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile.................................Wa Shing Ka
Your body odour is offensive.................................Yu Stin Ki Pu


And at that moment our Japanese guests srink away :wink:
ROZ: It's not like she worships the Devil
FRASIER: She doesn't need to, he worships her!
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Wed Oct 12, 2011 10:50 pm

Hans the German Butler wrote:
And at that moment our Japanese guests srink away :wink:


I did think carefully about whether that joke was too politically incorrect to post, but then I thought fuck it, I spend my whole life tiptoeing around political correctness and I found this funny! If any Japanese guests read it and take offence, hopefully they'll just assume I'm an ineducated racist, rather than labelling the whole board in that way. :)
Last edited by Dorset Girl on Wed Oct 12, 2011 11:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby welshben23 » Wed Oct 12, 2011 10:57 pm

Dorset Girl wrote:Essential Japanese phrases.....

That's not right................................................Sum Ting Wong
Are you harbouring a fugitive?..............................Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP...................................................Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man.....................................................Dum Gai
Small Horse....................................................Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?.....................................Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table................................Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift..................................Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here..........................................Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet................................Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone......................................No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week..................Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight............................................Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile.................................Wa Shing Ka
Your body odour is offensive.................................Yu Stin Ki Pu


:lol: :lol: Those 3 just made me laugh a lot.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Sat Nov 05, 2011 11:39 pm

The doctor said my voice box is damaged and I may never speak again.

I can't tell you how upset I am.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby CatNamedRudy » Sat Nov 05, 2011 11:48 pm

Dorset Girl wrote:The doctor said my voice box is damaged and I may never speak again.

I can't tell you how upset I am.


This is so bad I'm speechless!
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Sat Nov 05, 2011 11:48 pm

:D
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