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The All-New Joke Thread

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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby welshben23 » Sat Sep 12, 2009 2:12 pm

kat wrote:There has been a small fire at the Emirates Stadium, the police have named a suspect, Arsene Wenger.


He'd just deny that he actually saw the incident in question! :D
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby tubalcain » Sun Sep 13, 2009 11:16 pm

Why do seagulls have wings?

To beat the gypsies to the tip.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby tubalcain » Wed Sep 16, 2009 6:49 am

I put the TV on this morning and I thought they were showing Michael Jackson's funeral again.

My mistake,it was Cool Runnings.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Hans the German Butler » Wed Sep 16, 2009 8:43 pm

In the wake of Patrick Swayze's death it's been reported that the first person to find out was Demi Moore. Apparently he sneaked up behind her when she was making a pot.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby CatNamedRudy » Wed Sep 16, 2009 8:51 pm

Hans the German Butler wrote:In the wake of Patrick Swayze's death it's been reported that the first person to find out was Demi Moore. Apparently he sneaked up behind her when she was making a pot.


Did he look like Whoopi Goldberg?
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Wed Sep 16, 2009 8:55 pm

Aw, that joke didn't make me laugh, it just made me smile and feel a bit sad! I find it kind of hard to want to make jokes about Patrick Swayze's death, whereas Michael Jackson's - well, that's different somehow. MJ was forever in the headlines for doing freaky stuff, and the jokes just wrote themselves, really! Same with Jade Goody. Patrick Swayze, though - did he ever hit the headlines for doing weird stuff? If he did, I don't remember it. He just always struck me as a decent, normal kind of bloke!

I'm not having a go at you for posting it, Hans - as I said, it made me smile. But I really do feel sad about his death, much moreso than any other celebrity.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby CatNamedRudy » Wed Sep 16, 2009 9:02 pm

My sister met Patrick Swayze years ago at a horse show in Scottsdale, AZ. She said he was really nice. (and really, really short).
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Hans the German Butler » Thu Sep 17, 2009 6:02 pm

I don't have anything against him at all. Not the greatest actor in the world but certainly not the worst. It's sad when anyone is taken prematurely, by cancer particularly because it often strikes regardless of how its victims have lived their lives. Since I'm from Liverpool though, I'm intrinsically compelled to make jokes about everything. On that note;

Did you hear that for Patrick Swayze's wake they're building a plinth in the middle of the room for his coffin...Nobody puts Swayze in a corner
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Thu Sep 17, 2009 6:32 pm

Hans the German Butler wrote:Did you hear that for Patrick Swayze's wake they're building a plinth in the middle of the room for his coffin...Nobody puts Swayze in a corner


:lol: Now that one made me chuckle!
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Quantum » Fri Feb 05, 2010 5:21 pm

[Joke removed - crosses the line of acceptability]
Last edited by Stu on Fri Feb 05, 2010 6:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Potentially offensive content
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Dorset Girl » Fri Feb 05, 2010 5:46 pm

That's horrible.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Quantum » Fri Feb 05, 2010 6:16 pm

Most of my jokes are.
:roll:
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Karin » Fri Feb 05, 2010 6:17 pm

:? That's one of the worst things I ever heard.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby jrsightes » Fri Feb 05, 2010 8:33 pm

Wow that must have been truly terrible to be taken down. I never got a chance to read it, but something tells me I should be grateful that I didn't.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Daphne K » Sat Feb 06, 2010 4:34 am

jrsightes wrote:Wow that must have been truly terrible to be taken down. I never got a chance to read it, but something tells me I should be grateful that I didn't.


Me too but i must say i'm a bit curious though.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby welshben23 » Mon Apr 19, 2010 10:38 am

A cloud of dust has closed UK airports. Police are looking for a cleaner from the Emirates Stadium who opened the Arsenal trophy cabinet!

I hear Mount Eyjafjallajökull is to be re-named Cheryl Cole - They're both chucking out Ash!

What's the difference between the Icelandic Volcano and Cheryl Cole? The volcano is still blowing Ash.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby barnaclelapse » Mon Apr 19, 2010 12:59 pm

I like that last one entirely too much.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby welshben23 » Mon May 03, 2010 7:15 pm

I was at a party last night and the DJ played ''Sit Down'' by James, so we all sat down, he then played ''Jump Around'' so we all jumped around, then he put on ''Come on Eileen''...that's when I got kicked out!
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby CatNamedRudy » Mon May 03, 2010 7:25 pm

:lol:
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby barnaclelapse » Mon May 03, 2010 9:05 pm

Where's a drummer when you need one? :wink:
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby CatNamedRudy » Mon May 03, 2010 9:08 pm

barnaclelapse wrote:Where's a drummer when you need one? :wink:


Either standing on your porch waiting for you to pay him for the pizza or sleeping on your couch waiting for you to kick his ass to the curb!
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby barnaclelapse » Mon May 03, 2010 9:11 pm

Probably the first choice.
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby insaneasperger » Wed May 05, 2010 7:59 pm

welshben23 wrote:I was at a party last night and the DJ played ''Sit Down'' by James, so we all sat down, he then played ''Jump Around'' so we all jumped around, then he put on ''Come on Eileen''...that's when I got kicked out!



That is brilliant!!!
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby welshben23 » Sat Jul 31, 2010 9:02 pm

My best mate claims to have written the song 'Stand and Deliver'. I told him he was talking shite but he is
Spoiler: show
adamant
.


Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films. "Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."
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Re: The All-New Joke Thread

Postby Lil » Sat Jul 31, 2010 11:10 pm

welshben23 wrote:Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films. "Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."


:thumbright:
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