Dorset Girl wrote:Agides wrote:A set of jump leads walk into a bar. The barman says: "I'll serve you as long as you don't start anything."
I heard this earlier today and every time I think about it, it really makes me giggle. How pathetic!!!
Dorset Girl wrote:Agides wrote:A set of jump leads walk into a bar. The barman says: "I'll serve you as long as you don't start anything."
Agides wrote:Dorset Girl wrote:Agides wrote:A set of jump leads walk into a bar. The barman says: "I'll serve you as long as you don't start anything."
I heard this earlier today and every time I think about it, it really makes me giggle. How pathetic!!!
Dorset Girl wrote:Agides wrote:Dorset Girl wrote:Agides wrote:A set of jump leads walk into a bar. The barman says: "I'll serve you as long as you don't start anything."
I heard this earlier today and every time I think about it, it really makes me giggle. How pathetic!!!
We might disagree about music, men, films, TV, etc... but we definitely agree on jokes!
Agides wrote:What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts??
Annette.
welshben23 wrote:I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three year old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's court was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner
When a clock is hungry it goes back for seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blown apart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
welshben23 wrote:Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
welshben23 wrote:A man walks into a butchers and says: "Hey, have you got any small chickens going cheap?" The butcher replies: "Nope. They're all dead"
According to Unversity Hospital, London's first sperm bank turned out to be a complete disaster. There were only two potential donors -- one missed the tube and the other came on the bus.
A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky." The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him. "No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and heat it.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and
the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
A recent study published by the American Psychiatric Association into women's arse sizes yielded some interesting results.
10% of women surveyed said they were worried about the size of their arse and think it could be smaller.
5% of women surveyed said they were worried about the size of their arse and that it could be a bit bigger.
The remaining 85% said they didn't care what size he was they love him anyway and wouldn't try to change him.
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