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That Many Dates??

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That Many Dates??

Postby Ariel » Fri Nov 22, 2013 2:46 pm

Re-watching the entire series again at the moment, so you can see that I need to get out more! :shock: But one thing keeps occurring to me, - now I'm not American and I don't live in a city so the whole social side of Frasier is a mystery to me - I've never even been in a coffee shop!! However - is their obsession with finding dates and going out on dates, and going to places where they might meet a date, unusual and a plot necessity for comedy, or is it usual and I just live a very deprived life!! :P They all meet more new people in a week than I've met in my life!!
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Re: That Many Dates??

Postby PistolPoet » Fri Nov 22, 2013 2:59 pm

It was even more strange for me when I was a kid and started watching sitcoms. I don't know how it is in other countries (I live in Serbia, which is in south-east Europe) but we never really date here. If you're interested in someone, you ask them out and you're in a relationship, or you can have short-term flings, but you never date two different people and then decide to "be serious" with one of them after a while. I'd be quite offended if a guy I was seeing was also dating someone else at the same time.

And yeah, I was surprised with how long they let Frasier be more or less single. I understand that the show could have been less interesting if he'd found "the one" somewhere along the way, but I thought he'd settle down at least in the last two or three seasons. Not to mention that I don't find Frasier attractive in the least, so it's baffling that so many women wanted to date him :P. (Then again, Frasier is an amateur compared to Seinfeld. That guy had a new girlfriend in every episode and never really cared for almost any of them.)
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Re: That Many Dates??

Postby Patrick » Fri Nov 22, 2013 4:24 pm

In France you don't go out to dinner with a woman (en tête à tête) unless you are already involved with her. Of course, there may be exceptions to that, but in the US it seems that a guy could pay dinner to a dozen women without ever sleeping with any of them. Someone is getting screwed and not in a good way...
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Re: That Many Dates??

Postby ShinChuck » Fri Nov 22, 2013 9:00 pm

I imagine it varies a bit by the person/situation.

I'm American, from Detroit, and also spend some time in Kansas City when I was in the Army, and I'd say it varies by the person. I was never much of a socialite, I had some friends who were all over the place, and the place depended on their personalities. Coffee shops were prominent amongst my school friends, for others, it was clubs or car events. I knew one guy who had a few dates a week, just hitting up people on the internet through MySpace and Facebook.

Myself, I never did much of that. My dates were mostly work or school peers. But it does seem like Americans can be pretty obsessed about dates and meeting potential dates. It's not even uncommon to "date" without being "in a relationship", but that does lead to potential drama, because not everyone feels that way.

Just my anecdotal two cents as an American.
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Re: That Many Dates??

Postby Patrick » Fri Nov 22, 2013 9:35 pm

The thing is that Frasier dates a lot unsuccessfully but he also lands some beauties that seem a bit out of his league. Of course in many cases some of these beauties leave him in blue ball hell... (e.g. Honey Snowe, the woman in Can't Buy me love, the one in Adventures in Paradise that never slept with him (partly because he's a psychotic moron, partly because Lilith is a cold blooded bitch), the supermodel-zoologist slept with him twice and that seemed satisfactory enough to him who seems stupid enough to prefer bragging about a relationship than to have it.... There's not one man alive who wouldn't rather keep his mouth shut than to compromise a relation with such a gorgeous woman.
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Re: That Many Dates??

Postby ShinChuck » Fri Nov 22, 2013 9:58 pm

Patrick wrote:The thing is that Frasier dates a lot unsuccessfully but he also lands some beauties that seem a bit out of his league. Of course in many cases some of these beauties leave him in blue ball hell... (e.g. Honey Snowe, the woman in Can't Buy me love, the one in Adventures in Paradise that never slept with him (partly because he's a psychotic moron, partly because Lilith is a cold blooded bitch), the supermodel-zoologist slept with him twice and that seemed satisfactory enough to him who seems stupid enough to prefer bragging about a relationship than to have it.... There's not one man alive who wouldn't rather keep his mouth shut than to compromise a relation with such a gorgeous woman.


I have wondered about that! For being such a perennial loser at love, he alternately does pretty fantastically when he does land some dates.

Then again, maybe he really is quite a catch himself, he just has personality quirks that always shoot him in the foot. A supermodel zoologist dating a popular, intelligent and refined radio psychiatrist doesn't seem too far-fetched in itself, at least to me. But maybe she seems out of his league because of personality quirks that sabotage his relationships, like preferring to prove everyone wrong and prove he's scored a supermodel, something most guys could keep their mouths shut about!
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Re: That Many Dates??

Postby Ariel » Fri Nov 22, 2013 11:20 pm

ShinChuck wrote:I imagine it varies a bit by the person/situation.

I'm American, from Detroit, and also spend some time in Kansas City when I was in the Army, and I'd say it varies by the person. I was never much of a socialite, I had some friends who were all over the place, and the place depended on their personalities. Coffee shops were prominent amongst my school friends, for others, it was clubs or car events. I knew one guy who had a few dates a week, just hitting up people on the internet through MySpace and Facebook.

Myself, I never did much of that. My dates were mostly work or school peers. But it does seem like Americans can be pretty obsessed about dates and meeting potential dates. It's not even uncommon to "date" without being "in a relationship", but that does lead to potential drama, because not everyone feels that way.

Just my anecdotal two cents as an American.

Now that's most interesting as it sums up exactly the part that was confusing me, the whole, 'dating without being in a relationship part'! It does seem to be an American thing - but we adopt everything American over here eventually so no doubt we will take that fashion up soon, and yes, the whole 'date two people at once and then choose which one is serious'!

How would anyone have the energy, I decided long ago I didn't have the time, money or energy for one relationship - never mind several at once!!

Strangely I can see why Frasier is attractive to women, it's his intelligence and education, he would be fun to talk to, though I think in the long run he'd be much more fun as a friend than a boyfriend!
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Re: That Many Dates??

Postby CatNamedRudy » Sat Nov 23, 2013 6:10 am

, 'dating without being in a relationship part'!


Just out of curiosity, how do you get into a relationship if you don't date first? The whole point of dating is getting to know the other person.

In the US, dinner is almost always what a couple does on a first date.
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Re: That Many Dates??

Postby LeCigareVolant » Sun Nov 24, 2013 1:41 am

Patrick wrote:In France you don't go out to dinner with a woman (en tête à tête) unless you are already involved with her. Of course, there may be exceptions to that, but in the US it seems that a guy could pay dinner to a dozen women without ever sleeping with any of them. Someone is getting screwed and not in a good way...


I know this is off-topic, but that first part is interesting. I'm going to be spending 3 months in France in 2015; if I came across a woman I thought was interesting, what IS the accepted approach for indicating I'd like to get to know her? Meeting over coffee? Which brings us back to Cafe Nervosa and the OP...

I certainly wouldn't try to assess American dating habits/standards from any sitcom, especially when it comes to Frasier and Roz. Daphne's dating approach/frequency is a little more realistic.
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Re: That Many Dates??

Postby Patrick » Sun Nov 24, 2013 7:25 am

LeCigareVolant wrote:
Patrick wrote:In France you don't go out to dinner with a woman (en tête à tête) unless you are already involved with her. Of course, there may be exceptions to that, but in the US it seems that a guy could pay dinner to a dozen women without ever sleeping with any of them. Someone is getting screwed and not in a good way...


I know this is off-topic, but that first part is interesting. I'm going to be spending 3 months in France in 2015; if I came across a woman I thought was interesting, what IS the accepted approach for indicating I'd like to get to know her? Meeting over coffee? Which brings us back to Cafe Nervosa and the OP...

I certainly wouldn't try to assess American dating habits/standards from any sitcom, especially when it comes to Frasier and Roz. Daphne's dating approach/frequency is a little more realistic.

Well, I can only speak from my experience but one thing you have to know is that in France we don't have rigid rules about dating and all like there seem to be in the USA. If a woman is interested in you half the time she'll be the one making the first step. At any rate if you show yourself to be an interesting guy with the usual qualities (funny, kind, non creepy ( :lol: ) ...) plus it's likely that your origin (American) will make you interesting to a good many of women so don't be afraid to use it for first approach. As a foreigner you have a permanent excuse to ask women on the street for information for example, your accent will sell it... :D

IOW, just be yourself, be funny, gentle and sooner or later you'll get phone numbers from women that you'll later meet at cafés, boîtes, cinema theatres etc... then you need to keep your eyes peeled for signals and act on them... and you'll be fine.
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Re: That Many Dates??

Postby heartofmotion » Sun Dec 01, 2013 11:27 pm

Fascinating ... but just to get back to Frasier for a minute - I feel his roving eye and constant pursuit of the latest female making eyes at him is just a major part of his personality. Even if he had a girlfriend I think he'd be the same. A big contrast to his brother who's devoted to one woman for the whole 11 series! I think Niles' devotion is something Frasier just doesn't understand although he comes to have respect for it in time, and works in the end to bring Niles and Daphne together.

And of course he is a radio 'personality' and local VIP which would be enough to make him very attractive to a lot of women!
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Re: That Many Dates??

Postby Buttonsandbows » Sat Dec 14, 2013 5:13 am

CatNamedRudy wrote:
, 'dating without being in a relationship part'!


Just out of curiosity, how do you get into a relationship if you don't date first? The whole point of dating is getting to know the other person.

In the US, dinner is almost always what a couple does on a first date.


I second this, I live in the US and while I don't agree with all of the dating practices I'm confused on how you can not go on a date until in a serious relationship. When you say that, do you mean like a formal date or just casual?
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Re: That Many Dates??

Postby heartofmotion » Fri Dec 27, 2013 7:31 pm

I think British people date but we just don't call it that. We just talk about 'going out'. (Note the British sitcom Not Going Out). Maybe first dates over here are more likely to be casual - going for a drink or coffee etc. Certainly there isn't the big significance about dates that there seems to be on Frasier.
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